Chasing Cars
by bluebel703
Summary: after ryan and volchuck almost stole that car Sandy and Kirsten find ou what happened that night @ prom.Sandy took him in because he wasn't a common criminal would this be the one thing they'd kick him out over? read and review! cohens 1, missing parentin


Sandy steps down from the podium after declining man of the year. Kirsten's eyes are swimming with admiration and Seth looks like he may actually respect him again. That would make him feel a hell of a lot better if he knew where the hell his youngest son was. Ryan knew how important this night was to Sandy. The kid would never miss this, would never let Sandy down. He wanted Ryan to have heard his promises. To hear that he was going to step out of the Newport Group, that he was going to be there for his sons more.

"Thank you." Kirsten whispers in his ear her breath smelling of spearmint instead of wine. Sandy will love the smell of spearmint forever.

"Where's your brother?" Sandy asks as he gives Seth a hug.

"He said he'd be here." Seth says looking around. "He's been actually...off lately." Seth adds hesitantly. Sandy is back on the parenting wagon. With a nod Sandy goes to the corner and dials Ryan's cell number growing agitated when he gets Ryan's message. He's about to call again when Ryan rushes in with Marissa. Ryan looks guilty and apologetic when he catches Sandy's eye and Sandy is this close to chalking his disappearance up to loosing track of time with Marissa. The hint of fear in Ryan's eyes stop him cold though. Sandy maybe a little rusty at this parenting thing but he sure as hell knows that that look means trouble.

"Hey kid." Sandy says walking over to Ryan. Ryan swallows nervously and nods.

"H-Hey...sorry I missed you speech." Ryan says flushing deep red shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"Come on let's take a walk." Sandy says calmly watching Ryan's eyes flash from side-to-side. Sandy smiles at Marissa who should never play poker because her own fear and concern are plain on her pretty feature.

"Since you missed my speech I'm going to recap it for you." Sandy says softly as they walk down from the fancy boathouse to the beach. Ryan looks up in surprise but nods.

"Kirsten, Seth, you....you guys are my everything. And I'm embarrassed to admit that I lost sight of that this year." Sandy admits sitting down with Ryan on a secluded part of the beach. Ryan looks away trying desperately not to think about how close he came - how close he still is – to losing Sandy from his life, to losing his first real Dad.

"You guys are so amazing it's so easy to take it all for granted." The words ring so true to Ryan and he drops his head. Sandy looks over noticing that Ryan is trembling, that whatever happened shook him up badly. Trying to remain calm Sandy rests a hand on Ryan's shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze.

"The good news I'm back on the job, the bad news is well now you're going to have to talk to me about where you were tonight." Ryan's head shoots up and he looks Sandy in the eye before dropping his head. Sandy thinks he's a good kid. Sandy doesn't know that he was this close to killing Volchuck that he had someone's blood on his hands. Sandy doesn't know that Ryan almost jumped in another stolen car. Sandy doesn't know and he sure as hell won't understand and then it'll be over. Ryan remembers the look of anger on his mother's face as she kicked him out, when she finally gave up on him. He's trembling so hard he barely registers Sandy's hand rubbing his back.

"Whatever it is kid, we'll get through it." Sandy says gently. Despite Sandy's strong exterior inside he is freaking out.

Ryan gives a chocked sob at the gently words of support. This is the one thing Sandy won't stand for, won't tolerate. Sandy took him in because he thought he was better than a common criminal, all bets will be off when he finds out he isn't.

"Hey, hey come here son, come on it's ok." Sandy is pretty sure he has never seen Ryan cry before and his blood turns to ice as he pulls the boy towards him, holding Ryan's head to his shoulder. Ryan can't make himself hug Sandy back, it would make it that much harder when everything is ripped away but for a second takes comfort in Sandy's protective embrace. He's never been held like this by a parent. It's not Dawn's desperate but fleeting hugs, it's not Frank's one-arm-around-the-shoulder things. It is true hug filled with concern and unspoken promises of redemption, forgiveness and love. Ryan takes a deep breath and Sandy releases him, concern all over his face.

"I almost stole a car." Ryan blurts out focusing on the sand in front of him not daring to look at Sandy.

"Start at the beginning." Sandy prompts trying to stop himself from getting up on his high horse and giving this kid a lecture. Haltingly, Ryan explains the whole thing, the missing money, Volchuck provoking him, the fight, Volchuck covering for him. By the time he gets to the part about the stolen car he is getting so worked up and hysterical he doesn't have the ability to build up the walls that he usually keeps in place.

"The police car was coming by and he broke the window with a crowbar called me a bitch and told me to get in." Moisture begins to percolate in Ryan's eyes as he continues softly. "I-It god it was fucking Trey all over again...it's exactly how..." Ryan drops his head in his hands and his breathing quickens and a hand goes to his chest. Immediately Sandy's anger, disappointment and concern fade in favour of pure parental worry when he sees Ryan launch in to a panic attack.

"Ryan – Ryan look at me kid." Sandy says urgently kneeling in front of Ryan. "Look at me" Ryan's wild eyes connect with Sandy's own worried ones.

"I need you to take a deep breath for me, let it out slow." Sandy encourages rubbing Ryan's back. "That's it kid you're ok breathe with me." Sandy cups Ryan's neck forcing the boy to keep eye contact as his breathing slows.

"I love you ok." Sandy whispers into Ryan's hair pulling the boy into another hug. Ryan's breaths are still shaky but he swears he feels Ryan relax at the words.

"I'm mad as hell." Sandy qualifies looking in to Ryan's eyes. "But I love you...unconditionally." Ryan nods again swiping angry at his wet cheeks.

"Kid you have got to learn how to talk, how to ask for help." Sandy says with a sad shake of his head. "I know Volchuck provoked you and I know you tried to walk away but we need to work on your temper kid before it gets you in trouble." Ryan's eyes flicker to Sandy's uncertainly.

"You took him to the hospital. You didn't get in the car." Sandy says. "Kid those were two good decisions and they weren't easy."

"What could you have done differently?" Sandy asks calmly.

"Called you." Ryan answers automatically knowing it's what Sandy wants to hear.

"Anytime kid, you can always call me." Sandy responds. "However I know you and I know you want to handle things yourself so how could you, Ryan Attwood, have handled that better?" Sandy continues.

"Called the cops I guess." Ryan says softly. "I could've not gone alone so there'd be witnesses, so we'd only talk." Sandy nods squeezing Ryan's shoulder.

"Exactly."

"But he's blackmailing me Sandy. I mean hindsight is 20/20 but..." Ryan trails off miserably.

"No one blackmails my family." Sandy says firmly. "Let me handle Volchuck you need a good sleep and you'll be getting lots of it because until I can trust you again you are not leaving the poolhouse got it." Ryan nods. Dawn wouldn't have let him back into the house.

"I have to tell Kirsten." Ryan looks up to Sandy with horror stricken eyes. Sure Sandy might understand but Kirsten, this is what she was afraid of from the beginning.

"Hey look at me." Sandy says gently. "Kirsten loves you. Kirsten will not stop loving you because of this or because of any other stupid decision you make. For Christ sake Ryan you're 18 years old making mistakes it's-it's part of life. Kirsten knows that. She's gonna be upset, disappointed, angry but that's because she cares so much about you." Ryan nods hesitantly.

"Let's go home ok?" Sandy says before taking Ryan's car keys. "You won't be needing these for a while." Ryan gives a wan smile and follows Sandy up to the boathouse.

"Where were you two? I was getting worried." Kirsten says embracing both of them. Sandy hugs Kirsten tightly thinking about how close they came to losing their son.

"Is everything alright?" Kirsten asks in concern looking at Sandy and Ryan's cheerless faces.

"We'll talk at home." Sandy responds leading a confused Kirsten to the car.

"Good to have you back on the job." Seth says giving Sandy a clap on the back.

Ryan takes a long, hot shower trying to process everything Sandy had said. Sandy was mad, worse than that Sandy was disappointed but he wasn't kicking Ryan out, he didn't even yell. Maybe he will be able to talk Kirsten in to letting him stay. Or at least letting him stay till he can get his own place. With a tired sigh Ryan pulls on his sweatpants and wife beater and walks out to find Kirsten sitting on his bed looking tired and pale. Oh god he was probably going to push her to drink again. Ryan swallows guiltily and she notices him standing there and comes over and throws her arms around him.

"We almost lost you." And by god she sounds like she is really genuinely upset about it. Kirsten pulls back and directs him to the bed.

"I'm sorry." Ryan whispers looking down.

"I know." Kirsten runs her hands through her hair. "We can't do this anymore Ryan." Ryan's heart speeds up and he swallows back the tears. He won't cry he deserves this. Maybe they'll let Seth visit and Sandy may come around a bit, maybe he won't feel Kirsten's burning absence as much as he did when she was at rehab.

"You're putting yourself in danger Ryan. What if Volchuck had hit you back do you think he would have taken you to the hospital? What if the people you were dealing to had a gun?" She whispers quietly obviously stressing over the idea.

"I understand." Ryan whispers. "I'll back my stuff." He continues softly. Kirsten stops him from getting up and lacing her fingers through his.

"Honey, no, that's not what I meant." Kirsten says firmly. "Do you understand that you are my whole world? You, Sandy, Seth...You boys mean more to me than anything." Kirsten says stroking her thumb against the back of Ryan's hand.

"I will never, ever kick you out of this house Ryan. This is our house." Kirsten says adamantly. "Ours. Not mine and Sandy's, OURS." Ryan nods slightly overcome.

"But this behaviour has got to stop." Kirsten says. "You need to use your brain instead of your fists Ryan." Ryan flushes in embarrassment and Kirsten lifts his chin.

"Hey if I can ditch the chardonnay you can learn to talk." Kirsten encourages softly knowing how hard it is to have a weakness pointed out to you.

"So you have a choice you can stay in the pool house until you 80 venturing out only for family dinners and Newport parties or you can agree to go to counselling and get the keys and freedom back in two weeks." Kirsten says trying to bring up counselling like it's not a big deal. Ryan regards her warily and she gives him a reassuring smile.

"Sweetie it won't be that bad. You can tell a counsellor stuff you would never imagine telling us." Kirsten says pulling Ryan in to her side and giving him a swift kiss on the temple. Ryan nods hesitantly and Kirsten cups his cheek.

"Thank you." Kirsten says softly. "Now into bed." Ryan smiles as Kirsten pulls back the covers and pulls them over his chest. He takes a deep breath wondering how his foster parents keep exceeding his expectations every day. Volchuck's voice yelling at him, blackmailing him still playing on a loop.

"I didn't want to steal the car." Ryan says softly needing Kirsten to know for sure. "I didn't know – I didn't think." Kirsten brushes the bangs off his forehead gently brushing her thumb over his temple.

"I know and it's over now." Kirsten promises gently. "You're safe now." Ryan clamps his eyes shut and Kirsten brushes the tear away.

"We're here now."

**REVIEW PLZ**

**xoxo**


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